


i love what i can’t see (what’s expected of you, what’s expected of me)

by sleepy_sadist



Series: Dream SMP Drabbles/Oneshots [2]
Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Mentioned Ph1lza, Mentioned Technoblade, Mentioned Wilbur Soot, No Dialogue, One Shot, Sad, Short, Short One Shot, This is Bad, bad, incredibly short i am sorry, ive changed the tags because techno’s real name being there is weird, no beta we die like lmanberg, sad tommyinnit, tell me if more things need to be tagged, tommyinnit angst, very very short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:13:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27665237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepy_sadist/pseuds/sleepy_sadist
Summary: Tommy looks over the crater that once was his home, and wonders.
Relationships: Technoblade & TommyInnit, Technoblade & TommyInnit & Wilbur Soot & Tubbo & Philza
Series: Dream SMP Drabbles/Oneshots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2035675
Comments: 4
Kudos: 80





	i love what i can’t see (what’s expected of you, what’s expected of me)

**Author's Note:**

> very slight connection to the last one shot in the series with the line about Tommy “wanting” but you don’t really need to read it for context

Tommy always tried to take an active role in anything.

So what if he had something to prove?

Tommy hated feeling inadequate.

He had a pit in his stomach. A hole in his heart.

Tommy hated not being good enough.

That didn’t change the fact he wasn’t.

Wasn’t good enough to help Wilbur before he went insane.

Wasn’t good enough to keep track of Wilbur before the explosion.

Wasn’t good enough to stop his father from killing his brother.

Wasn’t good enough to stop Technoblade from betraying them.

Wasn’t good enough to see it coming. (After all, What was Technoblade if not an anarchist?)

He had loved his older brothers.

He had known they were the memorable ones and he had known it well.

Compared to them, Tommy was nothing but a loud kid pretending to be something he wasn’t.

Tommy had resolved to become someone to remember because he hated feeling inadequate.

He hated that he wasn’t good enough.

He hated that he wasn’t a fighter like Techno.

He hated that he wasn’t a leader like Wilbur.

He hated that he wasn’t a survivor like Phil.

Tommy hated watching.

So he threw himself into everything and anything he did.

And still, he wasn’t good enough.

He watched.

He watched as Tubbo fell to the hands of his older brother.

Watched as Wilbur lost himself in insanity.

Watched his father plunge a diamond blade into his brother’s stomach.

Tommy watched.

And he hated that. He wanted to be better.

Just like Technoblade, _Tommy wanted_.

Technoblade was everything Tommy wasn’t. That’s what made him everything Tommy wanted to be.

But what was Technoblade if not an anarchist?

He had known from the beginning, hadn’t he?

Technoblade would betray them.

What was Technoblade if not an anarchist?

But here he stood. In the ruins of his home.

The thought comes to him unbidden. Techno, if not an anarchist, was a brother.

He’s unable to push aside the thought.

(Tommy wonders when he went from Techno to Technoblade, from brother to anarchist.)

**Author's Note:**

> another short little one shot because i keep thinking of snippets and never of full fledged stories  
> i hope it’s okay i wrote this while very sleep deprived and it’s unedited  
> title from dead weight by jack stauber
> 
> (IT IS EDITED NOW I SCREWED UP FORMATTING AND SPELLING AND SOME STUFF MADE NO SENSE SO I HAD TO IT WAS VERY BAD OOPS)


End file.
